And...we're back!

So I have completely neglected this blog during the eventful summer and it has been so long I almost had to look up the name of it. Luckily for me I named it something rhyme-y.

So As midterm season starts up again I thought I would take my mind off things with some introspective soul searching. I had this nickname during the senior year of high school. My AP Lit teacher used to call me "Fire."

Now back then I had just assumed that it was because I was not mentally stimulated in high school I was fiery and energetic. I generated laughter, was really loud, and couldn't sit still. A sort of class clown, if you will, because frankly school was boring someone had to liven it up.

But even though I have supposedly moved on from those rose tinted intellectual dark ages, I find that I haven't really changed at all. The more that I think about it the more I realize that fire is a name that suits me well no matter how much smarter or more mature I think I have become.

College is supposedly this place where you "find yourself" or where your life changes. I'm really not sure if I have grown that much. Don't get me wrong, Columbia has taught me a lot since I have arrived. I feel as though I have learned to express myself more eloquently in both speech and writing. I have also been exposed to a much more wide variety of intellectual stimuli. However, I don't think I have yet experienced this life changing phenomenon that supposedly will change me into an adult. I am still that fire. Ironically enough, the sharpening of my analytical ability that took place here has allowed me to see that I am indeed even more similar to this "fire" than I had realized.

So let me think about this character I represent.

Fire is full of energy. I don't think there is much doubt that I am an energetic person. I talk loudly, I talk a lot, I have trouble sitting still, I have trouble focusing, etc. This I understood about myself even in high school.

Fire is warm and bright. I try to be. Of course I'm not a very objective judge of this but I do care for my friends. I like to be around people I like to see other people happy. I like to think that I usually bring smiles and warmth to people. When people are sad I like to brighten them up. I am almost always in a somewhat cheery mood. But as they say, "play with fire and you are going to get burned" which leads me to my next analysis.

Fire indiscriminately burns. Ever get too close to a fire? It burns. Does it matter who you are? No, not really. I am opinionated. I'm not going to pretend I'm not. I have things to say. I am pretty comfortable with truth as a whole. The closer you are, the more comfortable I get with the truth. And as all have experience at some point in life, the truth can hurt. Of course I'm not trying to hurt the people I am close to. I speak what is on my mind and what I think. I apologize if I hurt you by speaking my mind.

Fire is pretty uncontrollable. This kind of goes along with what I said previously. I have trouble controlling what I say and do. So do my parents. Ask them about it and they will tell you.

Fire is useful but only when given direction. If you just have a fire then you have a fire. If its not given direction, nothing will happen. I feel like I do possess at least some abilities and skills. I learn quickly but never perfect anything. I'm not really great on taking the initiative and perform much better when it is made clear what exactly I should be doing. This is ironic because I don't think I like being told what to do.

Fire doesn't "tone down." I'm sure you can make the case that on your stove if you turn it down lower the fire is lower...but I'm pretty sure if you touch the fire it will still burn you. So with fire I feel like the energy is either on or off. I also feel like it is that way with me. I have my off times and those times I am really off. Most of the time I feel like I am pretty constant. I used to play tennis by the motto "make every shot a power shot." (Actually I still do) I also feel like I tend to live life this way. Do what I want be outrageous and have fun. But power is inversely proportional to control.

I can't really think about anymore right now and whoever does read this sad blog anymore probably doesn't really care for anymore analogies anyways.

But despite this I feel as though I have matured since high school. Have slightly put my priorities in a better order. Have learned that screwing around won't get you anywhere. I have learned that life is harder than high school. Looking at myself now, I see that though there have been adjustments, the core is still the same. I am still the same person I was. Also I feel like I am still so much behind everyone else when it comes to knowing how to live the "right" way.

Also I have been completely neglecting my Art Hum review for the midterm tomorrow.
So I guess Ill quit now. I hope at least some of this made sense.

As you can probably tell, I have exhausted all desire to continue writing.

But just out of curiosity, who actually reads this? Leave a comment please?
Sorry for the rant. Also let me know if there is another addition I can make to this analogy.

Moral: If your mind is preoccupied with something, dropping whatever you were doing before and completely exhausting the intruding thought is a great way to regain focus (and take a break from studying because that is usually what you are doing when your mind wanders off). I did it and so can you!

CC

I wrote about in my last post, a changing of tastes as people age, grow older, mature, whatever. In a sort of continuation of that I have noticed a definite change in the way I view some of my classes. This time I am talking specifically about CC. Now CC is an interesting class one that usually does not happen before the college level. We read and discuss things in large quantity and of large historical importance. Ill be honest with you. My activation energy regarding reading is extraordinarily high. It will take forever to get me started. Same with writing. But I can't say I honestly hate to read. If I find it interesting after I have been forced to read I will. Pretty simple. Like most of the world I read Harry Potter without putting it down for hours on end. I think I just need a catalyst to help me lower the energy needed. Maybe its the realization that Im not as smart as maybe I thought I was. I thought it would be fine with just Bs in CC but I think it is important as the rest of my classes for my major will get harder that I have to do as well as I can in every class. I am beginning to enjoy it I suppose. I made promises to read everything before but not until now have I actually read. Rousseau isn't too bad and I think that things will get more interesting from here. I also must thank Microsoft One Note for allowing me to take real notes divided by section and topic. I think this happens to all people at Columbia at some point. I think there is a point of realization where its like oh I guess its not so bad. Some people enjoy the humanities immediately some change one or two semesters in. Finally its my turn. Who knows though. Maybe its just because I don't have any other hw yet. But I want to do better. Im going to try to meet the challenge.

Also. Vicky is cutting Jer's hair right behind me. So today's moral is: don't cut hair by yourself.

Edit: I then also got my hair cut by Vicky. It is short but apparently ages with time. I like the cool feeling of wind where I never felt it before.

Second moral: Haircuts are like wine